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if i had known

if i had known that our last kiss would be our last kiss, i would have never stopped kissing you.
if i had known that the last time i laid my eyes on you as my other half would be my last time, i would have never taken my eyes off you
if i had known that the last time you held me in your arms would be the last time you do so, i would have held on tighter and longer
if i had known that the last time i talk to you dearly would be my last time, i would have spoke nothing but loving words

as i struggle to hold on to every detail of your face, from the creases on your forehead, to the tiny mole on your temple, i cant help but think just how much time we have wasted on unnecessary fights and silences. all those times we could have spent building more memories that would have kept us together, we threw it away for nothing more important than to feed our egos

and you would think that it is hypocritical of me, as i sit here in silence, biting my tongue to whatever you have said. but what else can i do when it is no longer the matter of ego to me, but every word i might reply will only break whatever left of my heart. what else can i say when i know that i have already lost the battle?

i have said and done all that i could in hopes for a better us. and there's nothing more that i can do but to wait and let things run its course.

if i had known what i know now, things would have been very different. but then again, i wouldn't have realized my own mistakes and i wouldn't be at a place where i try to fix myself for the better


-the best gift you can give someone you love is to pray for them. and so you will always be in my prayers-
E

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